Hi Rosie! I’ve been reading your blog since you wrote on Teacups&Dresses and I’ve always loved you! You write really nice and always talk about important issues for us young girls and I just know whenever I come here I always end up feeling better! But now I am the one that needs some advice and I hope you can help…So, I began dating this guy, right? He’s really sweet and caring and I really like him. But here’s the thing. I found out he’s also started dating my friend. She totally knew but when we compared stories in the bathroom it seems he’s been honest to both of us. He says he really likes us and doesn’t know who he wants to be with. It’s hard because it’s going on me and my friends friendship and we don’t know what to do. I wish he would just choose one of us and be done with it. This has been going on for almost two months! What do I do? Crystal
I actually remember some of your comments Crystal, wow, you’ve been a loyal reader sweetie!!! So, of course when I saw your e-mail I just had to help you out! I hope this helps you out in your situation and feel free to e-mail me if you need!
(Well…ok…you have no idea how familiar this sounds!)
First of all, lose the friend! If someone really is your friend, she won’t start dating the same guy you’re going out with. No excuses, I don’t care what she said, regardless if she “totally knew” about it or knew “just a bit”, that’s not something a friend should do and that’s the end of it!
Secondly…well…seems like the guy’s just stringing you both along. Even if he does like you girls, if he keeps dating the both of you, he’s stringing you along. Maybe he doesn’t know who he likes more, maybe he doesn’t know what he wants or maybe he’s scared to commit. Regardless what his reason is, at this point the right thing to do would be stop dating both of you and figure out which one he likes or what the heck he wants. Because, as long as he keeps seeing both you and your “friend”, he’s not gonna bloody know what he wants! I’m sure both of you are very nice and sweet girls, but I don’t think what he’s doing is right.
Look, if he started dating you first, then he shouldn’t even have started dating your friend. That’s the truth of the situation! But he did, and no one can take that back, so now the only thing to do is work with what you got.
You have either two options…you either keep being strung along and end up losing the guy and the friend (because he ain’t gonna choose unless he has to…and right now he doesn’t have to, because he has the both of you) or you take the control of the situation. No, I’m not telling you to make him choose (that never really works and you’d only end up hurt).
I am telling you to jump the heck out of the situation! You could try being friends with him, sure, but I don’t think that would be good. Because to him, that would mean you’re just there…waiting for him to decide you’re good enough for him. And who knows, maybe when he sees he is losing you, he might have it easier to figure out which one of you he likes, but don’t count on that because that’s the kind of thing that only happens in movies and teen shows.
I really advise you to get out of the situation. This will only bring drama you don’t want to into your life and make you feel miserable about yourself. And if he really treasures you and thinks you’re worth it, he will go after you. IF he’s a real man. But if he’s just a boy, which seems to be the case, it might take some time for him to actually start valuing other people’s feelings instead of only his own…
He seems to be indecisive and care more about his feelings than those of the people he dates, which just kinda shows he’s being selfish. Frankly, it also makes me second-guess his ability to actually have a real, actual, serious relationship with someone else, besides himself. It seems to me he’s sill very immature and needs to grow up a bit. And you guys are young (and I know how much people hate to hear that!!!) and in a couple of years this won’t even seem as bad. If you’re going through this in 10 years, then you should worry!
Which just shows me…I should go and take my own advice now.