So…way back in July I wrote this post. Someone commented on it asking me to talk about something and I only now came to do it. Bad blogger alert…well..I must say I spent my Summer working and having fun, so I guess you won’t be mad at me for it!
So, this is the comment I got on the post:
“I just started to read your blog recently. And after i read that you like to help people and inspire them, i wonder if you could describe how women or rather you See men. I mean what for you makes a man and what you like or dont like when they do or about how they are. It would really inspire me since i have a hard time with my self esteem and going out to people you know.“
Ok…well…how I see men? I love men! Some of my best friends are men! What I do and don’t like in a man is very relative..see, I’ve been in three relationships since I was 18, all of them longer than 1 year – the longest being almost 5. And, as you might imagine, when I first started dating, I had no clue what I liked in a man! My first two relationships had so many things I didn’t like or felt ok with, but I just thought that was supposed to be so.
Now I know better.
What I like in a man…I like them to be nice and respectful. I don’t really care about the looks, but I do like them to take care of themselves (showering and such) and I love it when a man smells good – who doesn’t? Of course I lean towards a certain type of male – tall, dark and handsome – but that does not mean that I don’t find, say, blond men attractive.
I am a firm believer in gender equality, I think men and women are equals. But that does not mean that I’m not somewhat old fashioned. Can I open my door alone? Absolutely! Do I think it’s ok for a woman to open the door to a man? Of course! But when a man opens the door for you, it instantly makes him rank higher in my book! Same for carrying things…I can carry (most) heavy things…I carry 10kg cat litter, I can do it! But it’s always nice when the man does it for you, because it shows they care.
I don’t need presents – I don’t need diamond rings or any expensive gifts. For me, a simple hug, a big smile, showing that you missed me – is far more important! Sharing things, doing things together – like cooking or shopping or anything that is usually a personal thing – those are the things that to me make me see a guy likes me, that I am important to him and that’s far more important than the expensive gifts! Just the simple act of stroking a woman’s hair or giving her a kiss on the forehead when you walk in the room, is more important to me than the gifts. Unless it’s a Chanel double flap quilted bag in caviar black leather. Then the Chanel wins. (just kidding!!!) But then again, if you’re gonna be doing this to every girl in your life, then it totally loses the magic and I won’t find it anything special if you do it to me, because I’ll know I’m just one of many.
I can protect myself alone. My Daddy taught me from early on how to defend myself – he taught me how to give a punch the right way and how to kick a man in the balls is the most effective way for a young girl to win time to run away. I don’t need a man to protect me, but I like feeling that he would. Every girl like feeling that they’re being looked after, but that of course does not mean that I’m completely helpless when I’m not in a relationship.
For example, my Dad always, but always, walks behind me when we’re walking in a narrow sidewalk. It annoyes the heck out of me, because I hate having people walk behind me. I used to complain, until he told me “Look, if I am walking behind you and a car comes or a burglar comes, they have to go through me to get to you. I can push you out of the way, I can protect you and I can also see what is happening in front of you, so I can step in if needed. So stop complaining!“. I had never thought of it that way until that day and now I always smile to myself when he pushes me in front of him in a narrow sidewalk – but don’t tell him or he’ll get all cocky about it! It’s nothing special, but it’s a tiny thing that makes me feel protected. I have a friend here in Vienna that does the exact same thing and it always reminds me of my Dad!
Thing is, dear commenter, everyone is different. I cannot say that I have a perfect man, I can tell you what qualities I like in a man…but I don’t care if they have different interests than me or if we don’t like exactly the same things – if I wanted someone that likes exactly what I like, I’d be dating a girl!
To me, a man should be respectful, cordial, sweet, cuddling is highly apreciated too! The way I see it, a man’s girlfriend should be the second most important woman in his life – after his mother. But I also think a man needs to be able to see when he should put his woman first and when his mother – and once he’s married then the first most important woman in his life should be his wife, and his mother should be ok with it. There is always space for both women to be important and I think most of the time both women work against each other instead of realizing they’re both important and accepting it. I think a man should always show his woman he thinks she’s important. He should treat her like a queen, just like she should treat him like a king. You get what you give, that’s what I always say.
Are there things a woman will never understand about a man? Sure! Do men most of the time not understand women? Absolutely…we’re complex creatures, I apologize…
But as you see, this is a tricky question to answer…because I do not think there is a right answer…I like certain things in a man…basically I like them to be gentlemen and treat women right. I’m in no way a delicate flower that needs a glass case around her, but I like to feel like the person I’m with would want to protect me, if needed.
Basically..treat women right. I think that’s the most important thing! It doesn’t matter if you are rich, if you look like a Calvin Klein model or if you’re the best in class. What matters is how you treat women, without losing yourself. Just be yourself…go talk to people, it’s easy!! Look, I’m downright awkward, ok? And no joke, I talk to everyone! Just do it…and when that person comes along, that you like, it’ll come easier..
I hope I was able to help you.