In with the new

It’s official, 2016 has arrived! It’s time to say “out with the old, in with the new”!

A year ago I didn’t know where my life was going, I had no plan. I was in a job I hated, where I knew I was not only not going anywhere, but was being taken advantage of. I was exhausted and heading fast into what I now know was a relapse.

In April I moved from Vienna to Linz and started a new chapter with Markus. The Summer was hard, with me relapsing, not knowing what was going on. I was finally diagnosed, after years of problems, with M.E. – which brought both relief (because I finally have something that explains all my symptoms) and a new challenge. It has been a challenge ever since, especially because my relapse was really bad and I refuse to give up.

In September I started my new job. I was so nervous on my first day, but everyone was so nice and welcomed me with open arms and smiles. I was frustrated, because I could feel how slow I was, how much time I was needing to understand and learn the things – compared to how I was before my relapse. My colleagues were and are all very comprehensive and not only understand when I need longer, but also don’t pressure me to be faster.

Being away from my parents was hard, especially through the whole diagnosis and because they don’t see me or talk to me on my bad days, so they don’t understand how hard and real this disease is. I learned to let go and not let myself get annoyed when someone tries to give tips or tries to compare themselves with me and what I am going through (even though it can be irritating and hurtful). I also learned to prioritize myself and what is important and stopped (or am stopping) to give a f**k what others think of me or if they like me or not.

2015 was a very hard year. But it was a very good year. I now feel like I have a plan, I am building a life with someone, I am trying my best everyday and I refuse to let this disease change me (too much). I am learned to listen to my body and trying to give it as much rest as I can. I take new symptoms with humor – like last week when my hand just started burning as if I had fire touching it. I also try not to think that everything is related to M.E. If I had 3 yogurts in a day and the next day I have an upset belly, it’s not because of M.E, but because I had too much dairy. I try to be positive and not let others walk all over me.

But must of all, I think 2015 taught me who I really am and what I really want. I showed me change is good and challenges can be rewarding and worth it.

I wish all of you an amazing 2016! Make this your year! Fight for what you want, go after what you want to achieve, stay true to yourself and always remember that you’re worth it.

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