This is s more of a harder post for me to write, as all “confessions” usually are. Although this isn’t something very big or very bad, it is something I want to change about myself and my habits. Mainly, my shopping habits. The thing is, I feel I went from one bad habit to another. Let me explain:
As many of you know, I used to have a very vicious eating disorder. I would go from starving myself to binging and start it all over again, all whilst keeping it (unfortunately too well) hidden from my friends and family. I managed to overcome that, even though some days are still very hard. I started working out and even though I wouldn’t see any physical changes, I would feel better. However, my flare last year – which was induced by over exerting myself through working out – brought me to a place where I can’t work out right now. I am starting slow, with walks and abs exercises, but I know I need to go extremely slow and careful, in order not to get to the same place again. The joys of having fibromyalgia. (sarcasm intended).
Basically I started shopping. Not too much, not over the top and certainly not what I couldn’t afford. That is something very important to me – I never got into debt and I do not want to start now, especially not for fashion! But I have noticed that even though I have started being more careful and making smarter buys when it comes to fashion, the same cannot be said of other things. Mainly, beauty products. I go into a drugstore just “to check the new stuff” and end up spending 20€ to 50€ in one trip. For things I end up not liking or using and most importantly, things I don’t need.
Online shopping is also something that has turned into sort of a nightmare. I cannot tell you how many times I have ordered something from H&M. And I end up returned them in the store and having to still pay them, even though I get a voucher for it, which I basically still have to spend in the store.
I found myself earlier this week ordering a phone case from Anna Laura Kummer, which I definitely did not need. I will not return it, simply because the reason I really wanted it is because it has a theme from Lisbon and it is a way for me to be closer to home, as corny as it sounds. But I also ordered stuff from H&M the same evening, which I also do not need and will return once I get them. I have promised myself I won’t even open the package, I will just return it to the post office right away.
What I want to do with this post is tell everyone one out there (and mostly myself), that I am going on a shopping hiatus. I will not get anything, unless I absolutely need it (things like underwear). I have a few items I want to buy for the Winter season – mostly a pair of boots, because the UGG boots I got last year are so good that I decided I want to get the higher model as well, to keep warmer. But right now, for Summer and Autumn, there is nothing I absolutely need. I got myself a bag in the beginning of the month and that was a good buy at over 50% discount, but nevertheless it was still expensive.
I am aware that I let this get a bit out of control, because of the personal health things I am going through. Learning you have an illness that cannot be cured, even though I thought I was prepared for it, still took a toll on me. Not having my parents and close friends here made it even worse and I think I ended up “drowning” myself into shopping things, to feel better. But at the end of the day, I do believe it is up to you and only you to get over the things that live throws at you. And I am doing what I always do with problems – I am taking standing up to it, confronting it and dealing with it.
Thank you all for reading this and for supporting me all along! In a world full of easy access shopping, it is hard to not get “sucked in”. Whatever it is the reason you are shopping too much, buying things you do not need or use, it is up to you to stand up to it and change it. It is up to you to see if you want to keep doing that or if you want to get more out of life. Does that shirt or that pair of shoes really bring you much joy? Are you spending more than you should? Then maybe you should change it. But at the end of the day it is your wallet, your closet, your life and it is only you who can decide what is the right thing to do.
Do you also feel like you spend too much or get things you end up not really loving? Let me know, I’d love to chat about it!