I feel like the last 9 months have gone by so fast that I haven’t even stopped to realize the step that I actually took by moving here on my own.
Granted, I knew the city…I have family here…it’s not like I just picked up and moved to a completely different and unknown country right? Except, that’s kinda exactly what I did!
Even though I knew the city…it’s customs…the people…it was still a huge change! It was a freaking huge chance I took! But still…it didn’t feel like one, because I always kinda knew I would do this eventually. Not necessarily here, not necessarily now, but deep down, I knew. I mean, come on, both my parents left their countries when they were young! Doesn’t really matter if they did it for the same or for different reasons, in the end, they did…and the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree…(that’s the saying, right?), so it was only natural that I’d follow their steps, eventually.
I cannot say it’s been easy. Heck it most definitely has not been easy at times! There are nights I fall asleep crying, there are days I miss the heck out of my parents and there are moments I just want to give up everything and leave. But the truth is…that’s only 2% of the time….the other 98%, even though I still have no idea what I’m doing with my life or where I’m going, I know deep down in my heart I made the right decision. And not only for a survival reason (even though everyone living in Portugal knows how bad things are over there…), but because, for the first time in my life, I feel like I am finding my way. With a lot of bumps and trips and falls and getting-back-ups, but finding myself nonetheless.
I don’t regret taking this chance. Most of my life I was a coward. No, really, I was! I chose an easy major in college, not something I liked, because I thought I wasn’t good enough to pursue what I really wanted…and because I didn’t really know what I wanted at the time (sometimes I still don’t!). I thought taking the easy way out was the right thing to do, but truth is, it took me seven years to finish my Bachelor Degree. Yes, I had a lot of personal stuff going on at the time (abusive relationship, failed friendships) and one of my best friends died when I was 18, but still, it took me way longer that it should have. On the way I learned more about myself, I found out what a good friend is, I found good friends and I grew. But I didn’t take chances. I never did.
Moving away was the most exhilarating, scary, corageous, dumb, insane, stubborn, crazy, grown up thing I ever did. And somedays I even amaze myself, when I stop and think “did I really do this?”. And it’s made me so much more aware of who I am and what I want. It taught me to say no, to find out what I want, to not be afraid to go and get what I want, from whom I want, when I want it. To take chances! Because, I already did the hardest thing in my life! Anything else compared to it is a piece of cake!
I guess what I want to tell you is….take chances…don’t let fear keep you from pursuing what you want! Don’t let others put you down when you know you’re good enough!!! Don’t be scared to be yourself, because I promise that’s the best thing you can ever be and it will make you the happiest you’ve ever been! You might lose people you thought you’d never lose, but then again in the end of the day, you’ll know they weren’t meant to be in your life. You know you’re being yourself and not pretending to be something else.
My cousin once said “it’s a good thing you’re doing this big move now when you’re young”. She was right. I don’t know if I’d done it if I was older….then again, it took me four three to finally admit what I had known all along…that I wanted to come back to Vienna. It took me an extra year just to get the courage to tell my parents, my family, my friends.
But I did it. I took a chance.