Ask Rosie: My ex’s new girlfriend/boyfriend

Hi Rosie! My gf and I were together for 4 years and broke up last Spring. It was really hard for me because she was my first real gf after coming out and really helped me through the process and settling down in a new city. She immediately got another gf who she’s been dating “casually”, which was sort of hurtful. We have some friends in common and I’ve avoided going out with them when she’s present. Now my best friend told me my ex told her she wants me to meet her new gf and it’s something I’m not comfortable with. She says she doesn’t get that I don’t want to meet her new gf, because I met and am friends with my ex-bf’s new gf. Difference is, he’s marrying that girl next year and she’s just casually dating this person (and probably 5 more). She’s offended at me and tries to make me feel bad about it. What should I do? C.”

Hi C! First off, I’m so sorry about your breakup up..I know it must be a lot to handle, especially with her being your first ‘real’ girlfriend and all. The only thing I can tell you is, you don’t have any obligation to meet someone that you don’t want to meet. You can either keep making up excuses in order not to meet her or you can directly tell your ex that you don’t feel comfortable doing that right now. Bottom line is, you don’t need to do anything you’re not comfortable with! Even I can understand how that is a different situation, because your ex girlfriend was someone really important to you, kind of a first love and whether she want to accept it or not, there’s a lot of emotion involved. 

There is no rule that says you have to even be friends with an ex, yet alone meet the person they date after you and you’re not doing anything wrong by not wanting to do it. I can give you an example from my own life: when me and my ex broke up, we remained friends because it wasn’t really a bad breakup or anything, even though there was cheating involved. We kept in touch and he told me about the girl he started seeing. I was really happy for him, I wanted him to be happy, and that was it. A couple of months later I asked him how things were going, expecting him to be fully in love and raving about this new person – his normal reaction once he starts dating someone. His answer was something on the lines of “oh, yeah, you know, it won’t last forever, but it’s good for now, to keep busy”. This instantly made my eyebrow rise. He then went into detail, that the girl is messed up and apparently leaving the country and he’s with her until she leaves, so she’s not alone, that his parents and friends don’t like her at all – bla bla bla a lot of words to say he’s with her out of pity and doesn’t have feelings for her. I personally didn’t care how the relationship worked, but him being my friend at the time I was interested in how he was doing. But after that answer I decided I had no interest whatsoever in meeting this person he was stinging along. Not because I had something against the girl (mind you I knew nothing about her except for the fact that she had the same name than the girl he cheated on me with and that she was a minor when they met so I had nothing to like or dislike about the person), but because to me, if you’re my friend and you tell me you don’t think the person you’re with is the real deal (even if they end up not being on the long run), I don’t want to meet them. I don’t want to meet my friends’ gf/bf unless they tell me they fucking love the person, I don’t want to spend my time getting to know someone who most probably won’t be there in 6 months. Get it?

My dear C. you do NOT have to meet your ex’s new girlfriend. Period. You aren’t even obliged or owe her in any way an explanation as to why you don’t want to. It is your life and you are the one who decides who and when you want to meet someone. You might change your mind and it’s ok if then you decide you’re ready to meet that person. You don’t have to explain to her or anyone why you are friends with your ex-bf’s fiance and don’t want to meet her new gf. Every situation is different to everyone one. It is your decision and yours alone! Fuck what she thinks and tell her to go make someone else feel about their decisions! She should respect your decision and not pressure you to meet someone you’re not interested to. Don’t feel bad about it, you’re not doing anything wrong sweetie!

I hope this helped you and I wish you the best of luck! If you need anything, you know where to find me 😉

2014-01-05

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5 Comments

  1. Nora
    Friday September 4th, 2015 / 04:08 PM

    You really give good advice Rosie! i’m so happy you started writing these again, i missed them so much!
    And what a jerk that guy was, do you still talk to them?

    Kisses from Nora

    • Tuesday October 13th, 2015 / 12:14 PM

      Thank you Nora! I’m glad you’re liking them 😉

      No, I don’t talk to him anymore, but it had nothing to do with what he or because of his gf.

  2. Mika
    Friday September 4th, 2015 / 06:47 PM

    Really good advice Rosie!

  3. Tuesday October 13th, 2015 / 12:16 PM

    Thank you Kalancea! I’m definitely working on it!

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