Ask Rosie: How soon is too soon?

“Hi Rosie! I’ve been reading your blog for some time now and I would like to ask you for advice. I’m 16 years old and have been with my boyfriend for 3 months. I love him very much, but I don’t feel ready to go that extra step. Most of my friends aren’t virgins anymore and they say I should just get over with it. I don’t know what to do anymore. What would you do? Can you help me? M.”

Lets get one thing straight here sweetie: you do NOT have to do anything you do not feel ready to do. It doesn’t matter what your boyfriend, your friends, your parents or your bus driver says – it is YOUR body and YOUR decision.

At 16 no one should be having sex. (Seriously, why the fuck are teens nowadays in such a rush to grow up?) My personal opinion is that most of the 16 or 17 year-olds are not even mature enough to handle that kind of thing. Sure, emotions and hormones are jumping around, but guess what: that’s just your body preparing itself for the adult stage. Preparing being the key word here. Truth is – and I am being extremely serious now! – your brain isn’t even fully developed until the age of 21/22. Which is exactly why drinking and smoking when so young will end up bad on the long run – just like having sex that young.

I believe you love your boyfriend. I also believe that you should follow your instincts and your instinct is telling you to wait. I’m not saying that if the time comes and it happens and you’re ok with it and both want it, it’s a bad thing. I’m telling you not to stress about it, don’t plan things, live your relationship! When you’re so young, you’re still learning to know yourself! Heck, I’m still doing that 11 years later! You should enjoy being in a relationship while it’s easy – trust me, once you start going to college and then have a job and maybe live with someone things are gonna get harder and you’ll wish you were 16 again!

You have all the time of the world, don’t rush into it. It doesn’t matter what your friends say, they shouldn’t even be saying that! If your boyfriend loves you, he will stop pressuring you. But for that, you need to tell him the truth, because thing is sweetie…if men don’t understand women, boys understand us even less!

I cannot tell you what to do and I am sorry if you were looking for a “do it” or “don’t do it” answer, but that’s not what I’m giving you. The only thing I can tell you is that in these kind of things it is better too late, than too soon. And if you wait, it’ll be way more special than if you just “get over with it”. Sex is not something to be taken lightly, it is the act you do with someone you love. It should not be done just because others are doing it, because then it ends up being meaningless and something you take for granted.

I really do hope you end up doing what is right for you, just you and no one else. Go with your instincts, your gut, that deep feeling in the back of your head. And you’ll be ok.

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