Do you know those seats on the subway and trains and such, that are for older people or pregnant women or people with small kids? I think they should also be for women who’re on their period. Because we fucking suffer with it and we should be praised and pampered and be showered in chocolates and wine this time of the month!
As if I need a sign to know I’m not pregnant…pff…I’m a strong independent and very responsible woman, I even remember to feed my cat on my own! And I don’t even need my Mother to call me everyday about it anymore…only ever other day! That’s progress right there my friends!
I would like to see a man having period cramps. I seriously would. (Not someone like my Dad who’s like superman and doesn’t feel pain, but a normal guy who sneezes once and thinks he’s dying of pneumonia!)
For all the men out there who read this blog, and I know some of you are men! Do yourselves a favor and follow these simple steps to make the women of your lives happy during this time of the month:
1. Give her chocolate! And hugs. And kisses. And let her use you as a pillow/punching bag/tissue if she needs it.
2. Don’t ask stupid questions like “why are you in such a bad mood?” because the answer might be “oh, I don’t know, maybe because I’m bleeding like a pig and hungry like a fucking Hamster (what, hamsters eat all the time, don’t they?) and you’re being insensitive and stupid!” or she might just hit you or refuse to talk to you. And she WILL use this against you in 13 months, because women remember EVERYTHING.
3. Do NOT ask her why she’s wearing her Hello Kitty pajamas and crying for no reason. It’s hormones, ok??? (and if you think this is bad, wait until she gets pregnant! If you can’t handle your woman on a period, run!!!)
4. Give her chocolate! And wine! Without being asked…it will bring you points in the future when you fuck up. She’ll want to kill you but will think “hm…he did bring me chocolate and wine that one time 10 years ago when I was on my period…I might just let this one pass” (but beware, this will not work forever! If you want to use this card more than once, you need to bring her chocolate every month!)
5. Don’t say “but you just had lunch!” when she reaches for that chocolate. It’s chocolate. And don’t even DARE say “didn’t you say you were on a diet?” or “are you sure you want to eat that?” in a judgmental tone of voice. Or any tone for that matter. Just.Do.Not.Say.It!
6. (BONUS) Tell her she looks beautiful even if she looks like shit, with her mascara running and crumbles of bread and chocolate on her shirt. Lie if you have to. But do it convincingly!
And when in doubt, just give her chocolate!
(I like Kinder Chocolate, for those who might want to send some my way!)
No need to thank me for saving your relationships (and your asses!) I do it because I love seeing you all happy! And am kinda expecting to get some chocolate sent my way after being so generous and giving you some amazing advice!