A lot has happened in my life during 2018. I can say it was definitely a year of changes. If you want to know how my year was, keep on reading!
2018 – A YEAR OF CHANGES
Even though his due date was actually March, I started getting phone calls from family members at the beginning of February, asking if the baby was already here. Most of them came from people who hadn’t even congratulated me for the pregnancy or talked to me for years. “Annoyed” doesn’t even start to explain how I was feeling. Around the 19th of February Daisy, who was very cuddly while I was pregnant, started avoiding me like the plague. She would not be in the same room as me unless Markus was there too. Honestly, I thought she was being jealous or that I had maybe offended her. In hindsight, I think she knew Benjamin was coming soon.
Benjamin was born on the 23rd of February in the evening and it was a ride to get there! I was convinced I would have a “normal” birth and it was anything but that. The first thing I thought when they handed him to me was “thank goodness he’s ok!”. But even though I did not experience that “surge of love” everyone speaks about right away, the little bugger has crawled into my heart and found a little space there forever.
The first month of being a mom was hard and happy at the same time. I soon discovered once I became a mom, I entered some type of competition I never signed up for and have tried my best to not take part in it. Unfortunately sometimes unsuccessfully, which is to be expected when there are other babies within a family.
Despite the horror stories everyone told me about how you stop being able to do anything when you have a baby, I have to say it is exactly as I thought it was going to be. Sure, it isn’t easy taking care of a tiny human after having not only a major surgery but also one with complications. But it isn’t rocket science! Keeping Benjamin alive – hence feeding him and not dropping him – were the most important things for me in the beginning. Scratch that, they still are, what with him always trying to eat the computer cables and all.
Jokes aside, I don’t think being a mother is hard – at least it isn’t for me. It is hard work, but not hard in general. I also haven’t completely changed who I was before and magically become someone with completely different interests/hobbies/morals/opinions – like a lot of people told me I would. I still like to read; still like makeup and taking care of myself; I still write on the blog and still have a very dark sarcastic humor. I now also like to research strollers and other baby things, but it hasn’t erased who I was.
Benjamin is the happiest baby ever and makes me laugh every single day. He also makes me want to pull out my hair multiple times a day and is constantly trying to get into trouble (and laughing whenever I call him off). He loves making others laugh and running after Daisy. He’s smart (sometimes too smart for his own good, and age!) and he’s very empathetic. And he has what I call a “murderous look” whenever he sees an animal, especially if it is close enough for him to touch.
He learns things exceptionally fast and would constantly be doing new things if it were up to him. Music and dancing are his biggest hobbies at the moment. Benjamin is extremely independent and often practices things when he’s alone (or thinks no one is seeing him) before he shows us his new abilities. It was not unusual to see him rolling around or sitting up and down on his crib through the baby monitor before he actually did it in front of us. Right now we can see him walking around the edges of the crib up and down because he’s learning to walk. Interestingly enough, whenever we want to help him, he will swat our hands away and grunt. He has changed my life for the best and although I can imagine it, I don’t want to think of a life without him anymore!
2018 was a big year, it was a year of changes and growth. It was also a hard year. It forced my eyes open on who really is there for me and, most importantly, who is GOOD for me. I am trying to cut negative people out of my life, but it is easier said than done. Nonetheless, I feel like this was a year where I grew a lot – not only because of being a mother. I am curious to see what 2019 has in store and excited to see Benjamin become a little person.